I came to work in Singapore for about 3 months now. First it was all excited and looking forward for actual audit work. Right now I really wish I could turn back time and continue staying in Melbourne.
Lately I have been really upset and depressed over my life. I feel like I have no goals, no direction. Initially I was so sure that coming to Singapore and start building my career. But right now, i dread to work every morning when I wake up. I really miss uni days where I can decide whether to skip class or not.
I'm going through this phase in life where everything changes. Living environment, social environment, financial independence and so on. I miss home, I miss Melbourne and yet I can't find the time to go back or rather I really want to spend more time with LiLin.
Things have changed so much since the day I left Melbourne. I know it hit her really hard because I met her when she just got to Melbourne not more than a month. Since I met her, we have been an item ever since. Grocery shopping, going for classes, eating out at nice restaurants, pigging out at home with my secret ice cream recipe, watching movies... etc.
Right now, I don't know if I should regret leaving Melbourne because I really do. I love Singapore, the people here are fine. But the life here is really shit or maybe my life here is shit. I feel so lonely all the time. I feel like the only thing that is keeping me sane is the internet.
I know I should grow up and be a man. I've been pampered by my family all my life. Pampered by LiLin all the time in Melbourne. Now even though she's back in Singapore for holidays I still feel the difference. Things aren't the same anymore. It hurts to feel this way, I wish I didn't have to.
Things got even worst when she broke up with me on recently. But things are getting better now, we both are trying hard to patch things up. However, I feel like I'm really contributing and putting an effort into this relationship. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is really how I'm feeling. I really feel that she doesn't care for me anymore. Maybe in Melbourne, I was her top priority and now in Singapore, she has friends and family to spend time with. Maybe I'm just lonely, which I feel that I really am. I hate going to shopping complex alone but that's better than staying at home. I really hate being alone.
I love being with her. I love calling her my baby or my love. I love eating out with her. I love everything about her. I know I can't complain or expect anything in return. But it really hurts to feel that she treats me differently now. It hurts that she doesn't call me sweet names anymore. It hurts that I can't be there to be by her side whenever she needed me.
I can't wait to get my Australian PR so that I can go back to Melbourne and make things right again. And that, I hope I'm not making a wrong decision again.
I love you so much,
I am willing to do anything,
just to be with you again.
Love always.
Cheers to happiness.
